Of Desire and Men

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Of Desire and Men

by Olessia Kantor
Relationships Sexuality Sexual Appetite Sex

Lately, I can't help noticing that more and more couples split up around the age of 40. The last instance was a very good friend of mine who spent the last 2 years living abroad with his wife and a teenage daughter. 

David and I met in a quiet cafe, our favorite, in the old neighborhood of Tel Aviv. I started questioning him right away, as the news about his divorce shocked me. Here is his outlook on life after 40, women after 40, and general life structure. I sense that many men will share his point of view, but might not admit it to their spouse.

"Have you noticed that more and more men choose to leave families once the opportunity presents? Kids are out of the house, new job, a sudden move some get together with younger women but most leave just for the sake of leaving, to regain freedom. It's extremely hard to live with a modern emancipated woman - it's not worth wasting the energy of a mature man with a decreasing libido.

A lot of us keep persevering through life together because of the weight of responsibilities and financial burden - divorce means splitting houses, bank accounts, kids' support and alimony. Those who are truly happy are scarce, and to be completely honest, it still needs to be verified that they are not masterfully deceiving themselves about the chimera of happiness together, 

Here is the main question every man after 40 should ask: why do we need a human of female sex past 40, with all the cultural and social burden imposed on them, and the only truly feminine attribute, physical beauty , has been lost at that point? What are we to do with them now?

There are plenty of options for female company nowadays, that won't break the budget or your psyche. Starting from career women who are basically men in female attire and share our life outlook, to a part/full time mistress and paid sex. Tell me at least one benefit of tolerating a life with a wife who lost all her physical appeal to you?"

"Wait! There should be benefits! What about love, warmth, family, kids at last?!"

"None of this exists or matters in 90% of modern couples. Men do not get married for all the reasons you listed. Polygamous creatures by nature, they get lured into marriages by femininity and beauty. It's as simple as that. And what beauty is there left after 40? Meanwhile, all the negative aspects pile up through the roof. Emancipation killed femininity in women, and most women in the big cities are like this. Most women are not ready to give anymore, it's not a partnership of "give and take", and feminine appeal gone, what is there left?!"

So, what is this feminine appeal? Can a woman retain it after 40? 50? 60? First of all, it's woman's own realization that beauty doesn't consist of the outer shell. It's the way she holds herself, the way she electrifies the room when she enters, the way she harmonizes the space around, even within the realm of one particular house. It's also the ability to give the man next to her, what he needs: respect, minimal domination and serenity. And "demand" in a calm manner what any woman needs from the man next to her: it's the feeling of being protected with the derivatives of gentleness, generosity and fidelity. And most importantly, self-sufficiency. 

After all, Edward VIII - the only British monarch to voluntarily renounce the throne to marry Wallis Sympson, an American socialite, responded to the question "What was so attractive about that woman to give up the throne?" - SELF-SUFFICIENCY.