“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously.”
And so it was, I was in my 40’s, two college-aged children, an empty nest and an empty bed! Well, the bed was empty by choice. It’s easy to fill that space; just a phone call away they were. However, the empty space in my heart seemed unfillable. After years and years of trial and error, heartache and rejection, I was on the verge of resolving myself to the fact that I may never be married or find “the one”.
So I filled my life with everything I could find that wasn’t detrimental to my existence. I even filled that empty space in my bed from time to time but eventually, that became null, void, and pointless! Spirituality plays a big part in our lives when we feel we’ve hit a brick wall and the road has come to a dead end. At least for most, no matter your belief, you seek a higher being, a deeper meaning; something more profound.
I spent Sunday after Sunday and even Wednesday Bible Study sitting there listening, but not quite. I was like Miss Celie from the Color Purple; life was happening to everyone else but me. I loved God but I couldn’t understand why he didn’t love me enough to send me someone? Until one day Wisdom walked up to me and asked: “What are you praying for?”
That question prompted some serious thought. What was I praying for? “Well”, said Wisdom, “whatever you want from God you have to ask and be very specific.” I thought: Now why would I need to do that for an all knowing omnipresent Being? Wisdom answered my unspoken question: “Because God wants you to ask Him; and you need to be very detailed with your request so He can give you what you want and what you need. Asking Him is confirmation that you believe. You have not because you ask not!”
Well, I gave Wisdom the once over and the old lady raised an eyebrow and challenged me to try it. I had nothing to lose so I did. I sat down and wrote on a piece of paper everything I could think of that I wanted in a partner. I started with looks. Oh yes, this is important! I followed with intelligence, finances, spirituality, temperament, upbringing, education; you name it, I wrote it! I went over my list and when I was satisfied that I’d covered all areas, I folded it, spoke to God about it and dropped it in the prayer box at church. That was in 2009.
I went on about my life. I still dated but I seemed to stop concerning myself with meeting Mr. Right. I became more concerned with enjoying life and having fun. Sure there were still lonely nights and sometimes I would go back to my pity party, but it became an occurrence that happened less and less.
Finally, in 2011, unbeknownst to me, I met my husband! Of course, I didn’t know that’s who he was at the time. When I met him, he was a third party invite to an adult gathering I hosted. He was new in town and divorced. I wasn’t even attracted to him! Not that he wasn’t a looker; I was so far removed from “finding” someone that I never saw him romantically when we met. I saw a broken man who needed a friend. Since I was an expert on broken hearts and healing at that point, I knew I had to help him!
We started out with the phone conversations and an occasional dinner and movie. He was so edgy sometimes but I continued to execute patience with him because I knew and understood the pain of a heart shattered into pieces even if it were from a different circumstance. Sometimes he would
anger me so, that we wouldn’t talk or go out for months at a time! However, whenever he called me up or texted me, I’d always respond. I knew I was different from anyone he had ever dated and he was for me as well. Inadvertently, he was also helping me! In our minds, we weren’t dating. We were just friends. We weren’t intimate. We just sat and talked, played games, and exchanged stories. This became routine and quite comfortable.
Eventually, the intimacy came, and after quite some time of actually getting to know him, it was a very natural occurrence. We continued to see each other as “friends” but now with benefits. No commitment for us! Then, I embarked upon a situation of vulnerability. I need to have surgery and someone to look after me. Considering I had no family within 658 miles, I was forced to ask him to care for me. He agreed! The terms of this agreement were that I would spend a week with him until I was released from my physician and I would then return home. That never really happened!
Sitting on his patio one day, it dawned on me that he was everything that I had written on that paper! Everything! The revelation was so eerie I had to ask God, “Are You kidding me? This was someone that I had no intentions on loving romantically. It happened to both of us before we knew it. We were committed and tied at the hip voluntarily! We committed in 2014, got engaged in 2016 and will be married in 2017.
I couldn’t thank God enough! I also thought about old lady, “Wisdom”, and her words: “Asking Him is confirmation that you believe.” I have preached this to all my female and male friends; to my sons and to my step-daughters. Say what you want; put it out there in the universe. Tell God exactly what you desire, and remember to be specific. Most importantly, live, love, laugh and believe! It works because…I GOT A MAN!