“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously.”
I've had a lack of creativity lately.
We get into habits. Those habits become so second nature that we often don't realize we aren't moving forward. Most times, I lack creativity because I'm unhappy with my surroundings. I've lived in Missouri for about 6 years now. In that time, I graduated college and went through two different 'careers'. I now work at a grocery store/subscription box service program. I'm happy. My job can get a little lonely. Local food isn't really the hot new thing in my town. But I will say that despite feeling lonely at work and wondering where my creativity has gone, I do remember that I have an innate sense of creativity. On a day when I feel alone and there are no customers, I'm learning to use creativity in a different way. We might not think of produce signs as the 'it' thing, but when you have access to chalk and chalkboard signs, you get a little creative. The chalkboard becomes the star of your shift. The chalkboard does not talk back to you. It patiently waits for you to write your thought down. When you have nothing to say, it will continue to be patient and stare back. When you're stocking produce and the hot peppers touch your hands a few too many times, you begin to think of them as hot lava. When the milk is facing the opposite way, you compare them to an elementary student who didn't like you.
I still feel lost.
I still work hard to find creativity in the little everyday elements of life. The truth is - I'm lonely most of my days. I don't mean that I don't have a fiancé to go home to. I mean that the majority of my life thus far has been spent alone - jolting away any creativity that could have stood in its place.
I don't think I've been alone by choice. I've tried to find the creative beings I think are out there. But are they really out there? Or are we living behind our computer screens? A few years ago, I finally met a Twitter follower of mine who I had been talking to for almost 3 years. She and I were remarkably similar. We vibed almost instantly. I had always told her that I wanted to meet people exactly like her in real life. It was, living in a small town, difficult to shuffle through the individuals who had genuine interest and those who were looking for short-term college friends. When we did meet face to face, I realized something very shocking: she was SO bland and boring. She was clearly more interesting on the internet than she was in real life. And boy did that hurt. This whole time I had imagined having a real friend who was just as interested in tea as I was. I was so interested in meeting her that I went above and beyond to keep her attention. It was not in the romantic sense. It was in the same way you try and keep someone engaged in conversation after you and your co-workers go out for drinks. And just like that...my desire to create friendships in person also dwindled. My desire to 'get creative' was gone. My habits were becoming my everyday. My every day was crushed knowing that even the people who are funny on the internet aren't funny in person. My loneliness became sadness -- sadness that not only was I lacking in friendship, but I was also lacking in my ability to create the happiness around me. If I weren't in a relationship, I'm not sure I'd have anyone. It's very common -- loneliness. But why can't the lonely people of the world come together and create their surroundings with purpose?