5 Things to Keep in Mind When You've Been Cheated On

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5 Things to Keep in Mind When You've Been Cheated On

by Olessia Kantor
Mind Relationships Infidelity Cheating

A dear friend of mine was sitting in her favorite coffee house, treating herself to lunch after a hard week. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, a man who she saw a future with, a man she believed she could really be happy with. And as she sat there, secure that she made the right decision and hopeful she might soon be able to move forward, she spotted him across the cafe with another woman, slightly younger. There was none of that tentativeness that fills early encounters. No, these two were comfortable. They were comfortable in a way that couldn't come about after just a week. That was when she realized that she had been cheated on, if only for a short while. She felt her heart breaking all over again.

Cheating is abhorrent and an incredibly difficult thing to go through. The emotional fallout is incomprehensible to anyone who has not found themselves in a similar situation. It fills you with all sorts of questions like “Why me?” and “Is everyone like this?” It is important to take your time with the healing process before you are able to move forward from such an episode. Here are some tips on how to do just that:

  • Don’t make excuses for this person. Often when we care about someone, we try to find ways to justify their wrongdoings. Be clear with yourself that nothing you have done to this person has lead to them making this decision. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t as emotionally or sexually attentive as they would have liked. They had every opportunity to talk to you as adults do in relationships, rather than resorting to hurtful and conniving behavior.
  • Don’t blame yourself for not seeing the signs. Don’t kick yourself when you’re already down. There are plenty of reasons why you may not have seen this coming. Again, this is not your fault.
  • Gain your closure constructively. We’ve all seen movies where friends band around the wronged party and help them get revenge. Recognize that in an adult relationship, this is not a way to act. You are absolutely entitled to closure, but find a way to get it out that isn’t destructive and won’t lead to any further trouble for you, such as writing a letter you won’t ever send.
  • Stay busy. Dwelling on your feelings only prolongs the amount of time you will feel pain. You can go through what happened in your mind over and over, but it won’t change the result. Instead, it will add to the negative feelings you have toward yourself. It is not your fault. By staying busy and dedicating your time to things you enjoy doing, you’re rewarding yourself for being strong.
  • Resist the urge to blame the other party. The other man or woman may feel like an important part of the equation, but understand that this person is a variable. At another point, it could’ve been another person. Someone who is capable of cheating doesn’t need a willing party of any significance to do what they’re going to do.

Remind yourself that cheaters are cowards. These are people that cannot address the issues in relationships in fear that they might have to address some issues within themselves. Instead of seeing the truth for what it is, they drag others down their destructive path. It is important that you heal and do not become jaded. Stay cautious, but remember that when you’re ready to love again, you must do so with an open heart, or no good will come of it.